He's leaving the nest

While I can't even begin to describe how happy I am that my first born is now an "adult" and on his way to college I have to say that my heart is aching.  I've been fine until now, or so I thought.  I tell myself I wont cry when I drive away because after all "he's hardly ever home" and sometimes "he gets on my nerves" but no.  That's not the case.  I am aching right now at the idea that I have to let him go.

My first born, Josh, is a musician.  I never knew, no one really knew this about him.  What we saw develop was a kid in love with words and their origin, in love with reading great books, solving interesting puzzles, and being good at whatever he did.  He was great in Math and he knew it so, of course, as he grew we (dad and I) figured he would follow dad and go into engineering, computers, maybe even teaching the subject.  But his love for literature used to make us think that maybe he would take that route, once he even started writing a book, quite good but something happened that really threw us for a loop.  He joined the school choir - easy class and everyone has to do it at some point or another. 

I remember teacher's used to tell me he had great form, he was very focused, he was good.  As a parent I thought "well thank you, that's my boy" as my heart filled with pride.  Then one day, a few grades later, he sang a solo.  He was the only boy in a choir group of 22 kids.  Apparently the other boys were not interested in being singled out.  He stuck with it and it paid off.  I was a nervous wreck so I set up the camera knowing I would miss something.  At this moment I had never heard him sing alone.  NEVER.  He started singing Josh Groban's "You Raise Me Up" and I almost fainted.  I had no clue he could sing that well.

Still I never thought he would follow that field as a career.  In fact, he didn't think he was that good and said "Mom, it was just a song," relax.  OK whatever.  I know what I heard from a kid without professional training, but he was right.  After all, I am his mom and will be proud of everything and anything my kids do.  That was 8th grade.  In 9th grade he auditioned for the choir in his new school and his new Choir Director approached me and said "this child needs voice coaching, here, call this lady."  That's all he said. First I thought, "how much is this going to cost me?" Yes, as a parent of four kids I have to think about costs of things.  So I called the lady, Ms. Mary is her name.  She first gave me her resume and told me about the quality of people she trains and how she only selects kids with true talent.  She also mentioned that every kid she ever trained was able to get a scholarship if they applied themselves in every way.  She followed that with this, "however, I do not take Freshmen"  but that if I wanted she would allow him to audition just so he could see where he was and what he needed to do next.  So then I thought OK, I can do that. 

He auditioned.  She called me and said "how about he comes in every other Monday at 4:30 pm?" Excuse me?  What's going on? I though you didn't take Freshmen.  "I don't, but he's talented, he's going places and I want to be his coach."  OK.  Let's do it.  That was the beginning of a beautiful friendship and a bright future for my kid.  Fast forward 4 years during which time he was coached privately by Ms. Mary first twice a month then every week and sometimes twice a week; coached also by his Choir Director Mr. JD.  These four years he spent learning to play the piano, learning to read and write music, learning to conduct a choir and learning to sing in different languages, classical music, theater, Gospel, a capella, duets, participating in solo and choir competitions most of which he/they won something. 

All his teachers were a great influence in his life.  I thank them for seeing what we couldn't at home. His efforts and dedication to this field payed off and all those who told me he would go places were right.  He recently received several grants and scholarships which will pave the way to his future career as a Musician.  He will be attending Westminster Choir College at Rider University in New Jersey.  Here he will study Music Education and Vocal Performance.  Here he will continue to grow, mature and become exactly what he wants to become.

My heart aches and I can't wait to get past this week because I already know it will be hard to leave him.  I have three other kids to focus on, I have a big move coming up in 4 weeks, I have a lot going on right now.  I will let myself cry because there is nothing wrong with "feeling" and showing how I feel.  I am not speeding away from the parking lot, I am going to look back, I am going to be sad.  On the bright side, that sadness will be temporary because my sole purpose is ensure his happiness, safety, and well being.  I am very happy, excited, proud of his accomplishments so far.  So much more to come.

I will miss my Josh.

Comments

[Lance]

Terie,
This is beautiful. What you've written, what your son has accomplished, the sound of his voice. All of it.

And I want you to know, reading this was emotional for me. What a gift that Josh is going after his dreams. So wonderful. And it makes me think of my own kids, not that many years behind - and how difficult that day will be when we have to let them take those steps out on their own. Maybe close. Maybe hundreds of miles away. In a way, we're letting the spread their wings and fly. And yet, it's like a part of us it leaving the safety of that nest. Terie, hold faith in what a wonderful young man you've raised. Let the tears come. Let the moments soak into your soul. And trust in this wonderful human being your sending out into the world - ready and aiming for his dreams!

[Terie]

Lance, Thank you so much for the kind words. The days get closer and I am just tired of fighting the inevitable. We are prepared to have a fantastic road trip tomorrow. It will be a difficult journey but we are all excited for him.